Con Kendy
by baby bunnie
Summary: On a hot summer day in the modern era, InuYasha struggles to understand the concept of edible cotton, fizzy water, and what did Kagome say it was? I Scream. Yeah. That's it. And there was something about riddles on popsicle sticks…? [OneShot, slight WAFF]


Disclaimer: Dammit. Stop reminding me. ;.;

Warning: Crazy fic that doesn't make sense, written by a sleep-deprived mind, slight WAFF. readers cheer It's like… what do you get when you put an irritated hanyou and an annoyed miko in one fic that takes place on a hot summer day? A fic that doesn't make any sense. :) Wow, they should make that into a popsicle stick riddle.

Con Kendy

It was the hot, humid summer days that made InuYasha more irritated than usual, and Kagome could tell as soon as the hanyou crawled out of the well with droopy ears and a scowl on his face. And when he half-busted her window in a futile attempt to get in, she confirmed her suspicions. He was actually _hot._ Not hot as in _hot_, even though Kagome couldn't say he wasn't… but he was hot as in astonishingly warm to the degree that he was sweating buckets.

Kagome laughed inwardly when he finally got her window open and jumped into her room before freezing in his steps. He cocked his head to one side and blinked before muttering, "Something's… different in here…"

She grinned and reached for the hanyou's hand, leading him towards the cooler part of the air-conditioned room: directly under the air conditioner. "It's called an air-conditioner and it gives off cool air so it won't be so hot."

She watched in half-amusement as a strange, confused expression crossed InuYasha's face and he leaned forward, feeling the cool breeze of the air-conditioner lift his damp hair from his shoulders. His eyes closed as he grinned stupidly, enjoying the pleasant contrast of temperature. Kagome watched in silence for a bit before rolling her eyes and tugging at his wrist. Surprisingly, he did not attempt to shake her hand off like he usually did. But then again, he wasn't exactly paying attention… Kagome ground her teeth and frowned, feeling annoyed at the lack of focus in the hanyou. She pondered on whether she should say the _word_ but decided not to. After all, it wouldn't do to have a pissed hanyou… on a _hot, humid, disgustingly warm, crazy, annoying-_ Kagome blinked. She has _got_ to stop talking to herself…

Upon giving his hand a fierce tug, she finally caught his attention (he wasn't happy about being torn away from the miracle machine) and motioned for them to sit on her bed. "So… do you want me to go back now?" Kagome stood up and started walking towards her yellow pack. She was in no mood for an argument and decided to do her part in being agreeable (for once) with the obviously annoyed hanyou.

"Uh… no."

Kagome cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

"No, not yet." He replied smoothly. One wouldn't be able to tell that he had been blissfully dreaming under the air-conditioner only a moment ago unless one had actually witnessed it.

Kagome sighed inwardly. Looks like his ego was back up. "So why are you here again?" She walked back to her bed and hopped on, making the bed bounce under her weight. She giggled when InuYasha bounced around before he got up, apparently irked by her giggling and his uncontrolled bouncing…

"I thought you might have something to ease the damn heat." He answered sheepishly.

Kagome studied his face quietly before flashing him a smile, "Well… I showed you it, didn't I?"

"Feh."

"But I have more stuff to show you." Kagome poked him in the arm and narrowly avoided a swap of his hands. "Watch the claws!" She retorted before continuing, "There's a sort-of festival downtown and I want you to come. It'll be fun, and there'll be lots of thing to cool you down."

InuYasha had a bored look on his face. "Like what?"

"Ice cream, cotton candy… all sorts of stuff. I just want to go look, and I need someone to come with me." She pouted, knowing that he wouldn't be able to resist her incessant begging.

"Why can't you go alone?" He avoided looking at her and Kagome silently waved a victory flag in her mind. She had already won, and he knew it.

"Because mom will freak out." Kagome paused for effect, and then drawled, "And you would _never_ let me go alone." She emphasized "never" and watched in satisfaction when the inu-hanyou reluctantly turned to face her.

"Yeah I would."

"No you wouldn't."

"Yes I would."

"No you wouldn't!"

"Yes. I. Would." He glared at her.

Kagome glared back and huffed. Turning on her heels, she strode out of the room and made a show about going out alone and how dangerous it was for her. She was sure InuYasha knew what she was doing, but she was also sure he would give in to her request. Grinning to herself, she started skipping down the stairs. "Bye, InuYasha, I'll bring you some cotton candy!"

As Kagome neared the final step, a series of thumping was heard before InuYasha whisked past her in a blur and stopped to face her at the bottom of the stairs. "You're not going alone, wench."

Kagome smirked at him before poking him on the arm again. "I told you so." She watched happily as InuYasha scowled. "Take off your haori. Nothing's going to kill you in this era. And it's way too hot to be wearing that."

He glowered at her before shrugging the thick haori off. Kagome grabbed it and hung it on the coat rack. She took one of Souta's caps off the rack and adjusted the size before fitting it on InuYasha's head. He scowled again and re-adjusted the cap himself so it would fit his ears in a comfortable way. Kagome laughed and took a deep breath. "It's hot out, you know…" She explained, for InuYasha had cast her a strange look.

"I know." He growled before trooping out after her. A blast of heat welcomed the two as they stepped down from Kagome's porch. Kagome was already ahead of InuYasha, and he sighed before jogging to catch up.

"Now what was the con kendy thing you were talking about again?" He inquired as he slowed to a walking pace beside her.

Kagome crushed her fourth can of Pepsi before tossing it into a nearby recycling bin. Tugging a wad of cotton candy off the paper stick it foamed around, she stuffed it in her mouth and closed her eyes, allowing the sugar to dissolve in her mouth. Groaning, she dragged herself under the shade of a nearby tree. "Okay, you were right, we shouldn't have come."

InuYasha was nice enough not to rub it in her face. He plopped down at the base of the tree and attempted to take off the cap.

Kagome yelped and swatted his hand away. "No! People will stare!"

"Then let them stare." His voice was monotone as he reached for her bag of cotton candy.

"No!" Kagome dropped down beside him. "I'm dying."

InuYasha grunted and closed his eyes. "We're going back to your air-conned room."

"No… we haven't gotten to the best part yet." Kagome replied, poking his arm once again.

"What is with you and poking my damn arm?" He snarled before going back to his half-napping state.

"Don't be so arrogant, jerk-face."

"Wench."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Bastard."

"…"

"Ha!" Kagome clapped her hands in triumph.

"Stupid idiot." InuYasha got up and threaded his fingers through sticky silver hair, trying to untangle the infinite knots that still existed in them. Finally getting tired, he unwound his fingers from the silver mess and stared down at Kagome, who stared back at him. "Get up, or do you want me to carry you?"

Kagome pursed her lips and extended a hand, indicating for InuYasha to pull her up. And he did, only with the usual hassling and grumbling of stupid wenches who were too lazy to stand up by themselves. Kagome winced at the verbal names. She knew he didn't mean it- after all, the heat was getting to her too. She executed a perfect demonstration on the effects of the hot day by allowing the hanyou to feed on grass and dirt while she stalked off, in search of ice cream. She pulled on another wad of cotton candy.

It was only a matter of moments before she _heard_ him come up behind her, muttering his usual string of colorful words. "So, you got up." She smirked.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Osu-" An arm flew around her waist and pulled her into his chest while another hand clamped harshly around her mouth, cutting her short.

"Don't say it, or else." He murmured into her ear.

Kagome couldn't breathe. She had never been this close to InuYasha before; his scent was suffocating. The smell of the forest invaded her nose, wild and untamed. She nodded mutely and relaxed when he finally let go. "Osuwa-"

He pulled her back again and spun her around, and before she could finish, sealed her lips with his. Kagome's mind went blank and she was suffocating again, but she didn't break the kiss. Instead, she found herself relishing the taste of his lips and wrapped her arms gingerly around his neck. It was chaste and sweet… and would've lasted longer if Kagome hadn't accidentally stepped on InuYasha's foot while shifting her weight.

He yelped and leapt back, immediately breaking the kiss. Kagome blinked at the crouched hanyou, who was busy rubbing his foot. Blushing, she took a few steps back and whirled around, running to the nearest stand with a crowd of people. Trying to ignore what just took place, she peered into the small gaps between shoulders and grinned.

Perfect, she had found the ice-cream stand.

She was almost there, almost there, almost there when a familiar, gruff voice piped up behind her and a clawed hand found its way to her shoulder. Kagome jumped and squealed, startling several nearby kids who were trying to cut in front of her. "Don't run off like that, bitch."

Kagome swallowed and shrug his hand off, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. "I just wanted, uh… ice cream."

"Why the hell would you scream?"

"I didn't scream…" Kagome turned around, confused.

"You said you were going to." InuYasha was using his as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

Kagome groaned inwardly, "It's _ice cream._ It's cold stuff that tastes really good and gives you a brain freeze if you eat it too fast."

"Why the hell would you eat something that would freeze your brain?" He questioned with a disgusted look on his face.

"It's not literal, it's like you have this… I don't know! It's so cold that your brain hurts from it. Or it sort of does, and then… yeah…" Kagome glanced around, trying to be inconspicuous about explaining what ice cream was. She was, after all, already getting strange stares from squeamish people nearby who were reaching out to the ice cream stand. A tap on her shoulder brought her attention back to ice cream and she turned, coming face to face with an irritated ice cream vendor.

"Hurry up, lady. What do you want?" He wiped a sweat of beat off his forehead before glaring at her for making him wait.

Kagome quickly ordered and gave him a wan smile before handing him a five-dollar bill. "Thanks."

She watched as the guy gave a grunt and thrust a few wads of change into her hands. "Next." He wiped another bead of sweat off his head.

Turning, she handed a popsicle to InuYasha and ran out of the crowded place, only to be confronted with more heat. Kagome sighed and jogged over to the shade of another tree. A small part of her wanted to lose the hanyou, but another part wanted her to talk with him. Why did he… kiss her again?

Oh wait, she forgot, he probably didn't mean it. The heat must have had finally gotten to him. So much that he was seeing hundreds of Kikyous flying around him instead of one, frantic Kagome. Her stomach clenched. Ouch. She just had to tell herself the inevitable truth.

"Oi, bitch. How the hell do you eat this thing?"

Kagome looked up to see InuYasha poking fervently at the plastic-wrapped popsicle in his hand. It was the strangest thing, to see InuYasha, of all people, trying to figure out how to eat popsicles… Kagome blinked before erupting into laughter.

"Damn it bitch, don't just laugh!" He threw the popsicle at her and sat on the ground.

Kagome grinned and tore open the wrapper for him. "Hold it by this wooden stick and eat it." She directed, pointing to the stick and sucking on her own. Remembering the corny jokes on popsicle sticks, Kagome looked at hers. Ah… she's seen this one at least five times. Leaning on InuYasha, she peered over his shoulder to look at his.

What bird is always sad?

InuYasha shifted and turned to stare at her. "What?" He asked, frowning.

"See that?" Kagome pointed to the riddle. "When you finish eating your popsicle, you'll find the answer to that question.

InuYasha peered at the small words. "That's stupid, how the hell would I know?"

"It's a riddle! Guess."

"I don't know. A stupid weakling bird?"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome slapped his arm and he scratched the spot.

"That hurt." He said in a monotone voice.

"Don't mock me." Kagome warned.

"Don't mock me." He imitated in a high, squeaky voice.

Kagome grinded her teeth. "Osuwari."

And by then, she had already finished her popsicle. Without staring at the answer on the stick (since she already knew it), she threw it into a nearby trashcan. Funny how there were so many trash cans around these days… she ignored the muffled shouting that took place behind her. Poor dirt, poor ground, poor trees… they have to put up with the jerk for… a long time. Kagome figured she should be feeling sorry for herself. After all, she had been putting up with his rantings since… oh who cares.

The kiss still nagged at the back of her head and Kagome tried to tell herself that InuYasha was seeing a Kikyou mirage. _He loves her that much…_ the thought hit home and she bit her lip, trying to ease the sudden turn in her stomach.

She needed a Pepsi, and luckily for her, God had decided to put the soda stand right in front of her. You know… it wasn't there before… really. Kagome shook her head and threw a damp dollar bill at the fat guy sitting in a chair with his eyes closed. He didn't even look at her as she dug into the bottom of the icebox and pulled out a can of Pepsi. Mm… Pepsi…

"Oi, bitch!"

Stare at the Pepsi, absorb yourself in the Pepsi…

"Hey, wench!"

The Pepsi… there is only the Pepsi. Be the Pepsi, be the-

"Kagome!"

"I'm trying to be the Pepsi, InuYasha!" She shrieked.

She whirled around to face him, poking a finger into his chest. "I am so sick of you! It's an effing hot day and I've drunk a million cans of Pepsi! And when I try to _be_ the Pepsi, you _do not_ interrupt me! I asked you nicely to come to the festival with me as a means of cooling you down, and all you do is nag, nag, nag." She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. "Blablabla, hey bitch! Blablabla, blablabla. Why did you scream? Yeah, a stupid, weak bird." She imitated him, not at all aware of what was coming out of her mouth. "The answer to that riddle, god bless you, it a _blue_bird! Get it? What kind of bird is always sad?" She took another breath and continued, "I know the only reason you kissed me was because it was too hot for you to realize that I'm not Kikyou! Oh wait, have you _ever_ realized that? Oh no, blablabla. You don't even say anything after the kiss; you just strut away like you're all that. I'm sorry, I'm not Kikyou. I don't feel like being Kikyou. So why don't you go pat yourself on the back for making _Kikyou_ yell at you like this? I wish I had never fallen in love with you. I should've just been content with the cotton candy. Well, I'm not saying I randomly fall in love with cotton candy, " she waved a finger in the air, "I'm saying, you know… falling in love with cotton candy was better than falling in love with you! At least the candy doesn't talk back and think I'm Kikyou! And don't you dare say that the candy-" He interrupted her.

"Um… Kagome…"

"Shut up! I'm in a middle of a speech." A bead of sweat rolled down her face as she took a gulp of her Pepsi. "Anyway. Where was I? Yeah, well, don't you just wish you had a bunch of Kikyou's running around you and blowing you butterfly kisses? Don't you-"

"Uh… Kagome."

"Wait! Didn't your mom ever teach you not to interrupt when someone's talking?" Kagome huffed and looked up into his face.

And saw Hojo instead.

"Oh my god! InuYasha! I think I'm going crazy, because you're starting to look like Hojo!" Kagome screamed and dropped the can of Pepsi.

"Kagome…"

"Ah! How did you talk without moving your lips? You learned ventriloquism?" Kagome stared, wide-eyed at the seemingly astonished "InuYasha".

"Oi, BITCH! Turn around, I'm behind you!"

Kagome froze. And turned.

Only to come face to face with a red-faced hanyou. She turned back and stared at Hojo before turning back again. A weak chuckle escaped her lips. "Oh… hi." She threw her shiest smile at them both before taking off at a speed never-before achieved.

"Kagome!"

The two voices rang simultaneously in the air and hung around her tensely. Weren't you supposed to feel wind when you run? Kagome felt none. The heat was suffocating… and the only thing that came to mind was…

What did she do with her newly bought can of Pepsi?

She groaned and picked up more speed. Okay, fine, the other thing that came to mind was how she completely embarrassed herself in front of Hojo… and oh god. Did she say that she fell in love with InuYasha?

Oh look, there's a tree… how nice… Kagome smiled and slowed down before coming to a complete stop in front of the tree. Hm… what an interesting bark pattern! She traced a finger over the gaps and cracks in the trunk of the tree. And then she turned and slid to the base, struggling for breath, burning, burning, couldn't breathe… suffocating.

It was so hot that it felt like she was freezing. And yet burning at the same time. Engulfed in a cold fire.

And then coolness. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.

Whose touch?

"Kagome…"

Whose voice?

"I think you've had enough con kendy for now."

Candy?

Kagome shot up, eyes wide. "Oh my GOD! Where's the cotton candy?" She reached out for the nearest object and pulled it close to her in a frenzy. She stared dazedly into a pair of startled, golden eyes before letting go and leaning back against the tree.

"You finished it… Kagome, daijoubu desu ka?"

"I'm fine." She replied softly. "Can you take me home?"

"Yeah."

She felt his arms slip under her knees and the familiar closeness that only they shared. At least, she hoped it was only them. His presence made it cooler. It wasn't so… unbearably hot anymore. It was… better. It was good.

Wait no, it was well.

No, good. No… wait a minute…

She heaved a sigh inwardly. Where was her grammar corrector when she needed one?

The silence hung comfortably in the air until InuYasha spoke again, "I never thought you were Kikyou."

Haha… Kagome never knew InuYasha could make jokes. She said so, the words gushing out. It was strange hearing herself talk; she couldn't understand what she was saying.

"It's not a joke, wench."

Kagome opened her eyes while InuYasha came to a stop. "What?"

"I said, it's not a joke."

"Oh." She closed her eyes again and turned her head away from the suddenly blinding light.

"Kagome?" His voice was hushed, concerned.

"I want to go home," she mumbled into his shirt.

InuYasha didn't say anything and trudged on, taking care to constantly step in the shade of trees. It was starting to cool down now; the sky dimmed as the sun moved across the sky. A breeze blew past them and Kagome sighed, burying her hand deeper into his shirt.

"Hey Kagome…"

"What?" Kagome opened an eye upon hearing a whimper from the inu-hanyou. "InuYasha?"

He hesitated before saying, "Do you really love the con kendy more than me?"

Kagome blinked. Since when did she say she loved cotton candy more than him? Oh wait… oh… right. R_iiiii_ght. A sheepish smile crossed her face, "Uh… no." She blushed.

"Oh… okay."

Kagome peered into the dimming sky. Well, she does love cotton candy…

"Does that mean you love me?"

The innocence in his voice made Kagome want to laugh, but that would probably scare him. "I guess." What? No! What answer could be worse? "I mean! Yes." She swallowed and smiled weakly.

"Oh… okay."

Wasn't he going to _say_ anything? Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to pass by as being asleep.

"I like you more than the con kendy too, Kagome." He said.

"Okay." Ah! No! Stupid mouth! Stupid brain! Her cerebrum has officially died. Wait no, cerebellum. Wait a minute… oh who cares. "I mean- Uh… thanks." Oh god. It just gets worse and worse. She needed to find a new brain, _fast_. "I mean… I thought you didn't love me." Woah. He never said he _loved_ her.

Kagome flinched inwardly. This was officially the most embarrassing day of her life.

Well, there was that time in fourth grade when she threw up in the middle of the school play on the Princess… and that time when she-

Okay. Kagome took a deep breath and opened her mouth, ready to talk, when InuYasha beat her to it. "Why would you think that?"

Her mind went blank. Huh? There should be books on how to deal with these kind of questions. Oh wait… _duh._ "Kikyou," she said.

"No, " he said, "it's always been you."

Kagome smiled.

"Although the con kendy is good too…"

Kagome smiled wider, "You can put me down now, InuYasha."

He put her down.

"Thanks. Osuwari."

Bam, crash, down goes the mighty, mighty hanyou! Kagome turned around and put her hands on her waist. "Let me ask you a question, InuYasha!"

A grunt came from the grass, which probably meant either "You're going to pay, bitch!" or "Finish your sentence, bitch." Kagome went with the latter. "If there was a bag of cotton candy… and me. And if we both fell into the river and could not swim… who would you rescue? The candy… or me?"

InuYasha crawled up from his makeshift grave of grass and sat up, dusting the dirt off himself. "Well… that depends…"

Kagome giggled. A few minutes later, she had a new conclusion about nature. Grass and dirt loves InuYasha even more than he loves cotton candy.

And ramen, of course. But that's another story…

Did I mention I wrote this at two in the morning? Hope you enjoyed, leave a little comment. :)


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